It’s May and the sun is finally here. It really does make a huge difference.
After a bright start to April, much of the month was spent under grey skies, with the occasional shower bringing Saharan sand to dirty the streets (and the saddle of my bicycle). It didn’t stop us getting out and about – including going to two (socially distanced) concerts on the last weekend of the month – but it was good to keep moving as the cool wind brought a chill when the sun was in hiding.
But it’s out and shining now.
April’s also been a bit of a tough month for me writing-wise. I’ve been trying to juggle too many pieces at the same time. I currently have about five (longer) short stories at various stages of completion. I’m desperately trying to finish the one I’m currently writing so I can get back to the ones that need editing. And yet I’ve been distracted for the last week or so trying to get a piece in for publication with Blue Sea Writers. It’s done now. But it’s taken a lot of sweat and – quite literally – tears to get there.
Why do I find it so hard? I watch other people submit pieces, breeze through the editing process and press send without a backward glance. I agonise over each change, and then read through the finished piece and ultimately feel dissatisfied with the result. And so I agonise over changing it back again, or taking it in a different direction. At times it seems I can no longer see what I’m trying to achieve, or whether I’ve done enough.
The pain is real.
But then the clouds lift and the light shines through.
If you’d like to read the finished piece – and please do! – it’s now available on blueseawriters.com.
Now it’s time for me to get back to another piece, another world, another woman dealing with another loss. Will I never write about anything else? I hope one day I will. But maybe I need to drink in the beauty and wonder of my life here in Valencia first. Because there is so much beauty. There is so much wonder.
I had been planning to revisit my half-finished novella this summer. Maybe I still will. But I think I need to find a balance, to avoid falling into the pit of writerly despair when there is so much love and beauty around me, if only I open my eyes to it.
To those who’ve had to put up with my frustrations this last week or two, thank you for hanging in there.
The summer is on its way. Time to follow the light.